Sexual Fantasies and Being a Slut

There's been a link going around on Twitter for a couple days, highlighting an article on women's sexual fantasies. It's worth a read, and the fantasies listed are roughly what I'd expect--certainly nothing shocking to an erotica writer. (It misses the popularity of m/m scenarios among women, but I suppose I can forgive that).

But here's the part of the piece that really grabbed me:

I began to explain that I asked hundreds of women about their fantasies and received wonderful responses. That's when I was interrupted.

"Are (these women) slutty?" Hoda asked.

Kathie Lee answered, "Total sluts."

My brain froze. Wait -- what? The whole point of this conversation was to get women to feel empowered so that they could share their fantasies with their partners. Now they're being called sluts? (And besides, if you've read any of my work, you know that I have a visceral reaction to the word.)

Like the article's author, I felt outraged by the response. Now, I love erotica for the fun of it. I love one-handed reading, and I love squirming while I write. But moments like this are when I feel that writing and openly reading erotica is a sacred calling and a feminist act. People need to stand up and claim sexuality as normal, healthy, and beautiful, even when--especially when--we're not just talking about m/f missionary.

Speaking up is scary. This name I write under is a pseudonym for a reason, and I was afraid even to use a pseudonym for a very long time. But I spent way too long feeling terrorized by judgments like the ones expressed on this episode of the Today Show.

Erotica writers and others unafraid of talking honestly about sex saved my soul, my self-respect, my sensuality, and more. Thanks so much to all of you.

We have a long way still to go.