Comment on any of the posts on the tour for a chance to win a free copy of Best Lesbian Erotica 20th Anniversary Edition. The drawing will be held by February 28th and the winner announced by March 5th.
The first time I saw L, she was at a local open mic with her guitar player. I could hear her from down the street belting out Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit" and Stevie Ray Vaughan's "Pride and Joy." It wasn't just the power of her voice that grabbed me, though. It was that she didn't bother to change the gender when she covered songs by men, and hearing her sing, "I love my baby, she's long and lean," did something to me down deep.
It's hard for me to explain how ignorant I was about lesbian desire when I was first feeling it. Everything felt so impossible that I couldn't even figure out what it was I wanted, what exactly I was thinking about. I only barely knew that women could be together, and it sort of seemed like at least one woman would need to have short hair and "be the man."
I wish I could say that this was how I thought when I was super-young and still virginal, but at this point I had already been sleeping with a particular girl, off and on, for years. The thing I couldn't understand was that these things could count, that this desire had real weight and shape and value, and that a woman could get up on stage and sing, loudly, "She's my sweetie little thing."
I followed L to all her shows, and I couldn't get enough of staring at her. Maybe I couldn't quite imagine making out with her, or being loved by her, but I did know that I wanted to be in her presence, as much as she would let me. And gradually she began to allow me to follow her to other places, to IHOP when she was tired after hours of singing, or to her best friend's house. I have since read early lesbian novels such as Olivia and Carol, and one of the major things they seem to describe is this feeling, of wanting to be in a particular fascinating woman's presence, even if one isn't quite sure of what one wants to happen next.
I remember this giant, gaping need. More than anything, I needed every minute I could get of her attention. Something about her permission to do anything at all with her gave me permission, in a deep way I couldn't articulate, to exist.
There was another side to it, though. She needed something from me, too, even if it wasn't love. She understood the nature of my attention, I think, the worshipfulness of it, and she needed that to exist as proof that she wasn't wasting her time with her music, that she was worth watching, that she herself was worthwhile. She enjoyed using her power over me. "You can ride with me," she would promise sometimes, and I'm sure she knew that I would agree to nearly anything in exchange.
My story in the 20th Anniversary Edition of Best Lesbian Erotica isn't about L. But it is about that mutual need, and I thought about L when I was writing it. I spun that situation around so I could write about it from several sides at once. There's a young musician and an older musician, and they both need and are needed.
Here's an excerpt:
The first time I kissed a rock star, I thought she would taste pampered and expensive. But musicians don't get lives of luxury. Violet's lips were rough. Her tongue carried hints of the flavors of roadside diners. Her muscles felt ropey when I gripped her upper arms.
She kissed me back with familiar desperation. I played with the edges of her T-shirt sleeves as I planned the things I wanted to do to her. When I let up on the kiss, Violet was looking at me like I had some kind of answer. Feeling bad because I knew I didn't, I shook my head at her. "Maybe you'll be sorry about this in the morning."
"I won't be."
"How do you know?"
She bit her lip and didn't say anything.
"Different venue every night," I said. "I get it." It was so stupid that this stung. If I knew one thing, it was this. Thirty hours, tops. A desperate exchange, and neither of us would realize what we'd given or received until much later.
I kissed her again before she could fumble for a compliment she didn't quite mean. I carried Violet to my bed. I wanted to give her the orgasm of her life, something she'd be chasing for days or weeks to come. Even if she didn't remember my name later, I wanted to be sure she never forgot how I made her feel.
You can find the 20th Anniversary Edition of Best Lesbian Erotica at Amazon US, Amazon UK, Barnes and Noble, your favorite indie bookstore, and more.
You can see the other posts in the tour at the links below. :)
Rose de Fer-“Dust”
MeganMc Ferren-“The Royalty Underground”
Harper Bliss-“Reunion Tour”
D.L. King-“Hot Blood”
Jean Roberta-“Tears from Heaven”
Sinclair Sexsmith-“Luscious and Wild”
Rose P. Lethe-“A Professional”
Valerie Alexander-“Grind House”
Annabeth Leong-“Give and Take”
Frankie Grayson-“Mirror Mirror”
Cheyenne Blue-“The Road to Hell”
Emily L. Byrne-“The Further Adventures of Miss Scarlet”
Sossity Chiricuzio-“Make them Shine”
Teresa Noelle Roberts-“Tomato Bondage”